At many points during my mission I was given small tokens of grace by Heavenly Father. One point in particular was at a time when I felt like my testimony was at its lowest. Being on my mission I felt like the weight of the mantle I carried plus my questioning of the church, and the scriptures, was almost too much too bear. I felt like I couldn’t find my way.
This came about because before my mission I had never studied the scriptures in depth. On my mission that’s all I was doing. I couldn’t help but ask questions, and find specific things that boggled my mind. The troubling thing was that the answers weren’t always there. I always felt the spirit of the scriptures, and had always trusted in them – but my anxiety over a specific question had overcome me. What scared me the most was not feeling like I could offer anyone a genuine testimony. One Easter Sunday, in Sacrament meeting, I was fasting and praying to receive an answer. I wanted a specific answer to my question regarding the scriptures.
Instead, the Spirit instructed me to get out a pen and paper. Obediently, I found a pen and scrap of paper and started writing the words that came to my hand. I didn’t save the paper so I can’t remember exactly what I was specifically told, but it was to the effect of “Don’t trouble your heart any more with this question; it is not important at this time for you to know it. You need to get back to work and focus on the needs of the investigators and the less-active. Their questions are more important. Be calm and know that in this way, your question has been answered.”
An answer like that normally wouldn’t make me any calmer. However, I felt calm. I felt happy to continue on and not be troubled anymore. His grace in answering my question and calming my anxiety helped me through my mission and has helped me carry my testimony. I can rely on the small miracles I have witnessed in the past so I can be a disciple now. I can genuinely say that prayers are answered in better ways than we expect. I know this church is true and I know that Heavenly Father cares deeply for each of us. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.